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Hide The Sausage (Live at Leeds)

by Barry Jones

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about

Barry Jones performing Hide The Sausage, live at The Wardrobe, Leeds, opening for Ian Prowse and Amsterdam, April 2023.

lyrics

Hide the Sausage (Barry Jones)(MCPS/PRS)

One Sunday afternoon I’d been gardening like a loon So I could settle down and watch the football
The match it was a bore, it took them two hours just to score. My wife said “Let’s have chips” What a good call
Now the chip shop man and me we had some history I didn’t like that he was always swearing
He’d Eff and Jeff at me if I didn’t have the right money Or if I ordered a split portion just for sharing
But I always stayed polite, I thought it was only right Onion gravy and chips twice please, and a sausage
He wrapped them up quite quickly, I’d never seen him work so slickly
So I was soon on my way home back to our cottage
When I got the feast back home, my wife was on the phone So I took on the task to put the food out
Imagine my despair when the sausage wasn’t there So I went straight back to the shop for a shoot out
I marched in with face like thunder, scything customers asunder Anyone could tell that I was raging
In a state of heightened ire I thought “I’ll fight fire with fire” And with these very words I did engage him
I said Chorus
“Where’s me fucking sausage ya bastard? Where’s me fucking sausage ya bastard?
I was hoping to enjoy a lovely saveloy, Where’s me fucking sausage ya bastard?”
He said” Who are you calling a bastard ya bastard? Who are you calling a bastard ya bastard?
Your position is diminished by the fact I hadn’t finished packing up your scoff before you fucked off.
I phoned up your wife to tell her of the error, She said it was alright you were an easy going fella
Now I worked for Cunard, and we spoke like this on ships
Now you are fucking barred and you can whistle for your chips”
I went home to my wife who was ashamed of me quite rightly She said she couldn’t eat though she was famished.
And from my conjugal rights which used to be twice nightly I found myself indefinitely banished.
Cos I’d said Chorus
Now the moral of this tale is to think before you speak, resisting the temptation to get lippy
It’s not big or clever to swear and if you get it wrong, you could be anchored off bum bay without a chippy
So don’t say Chorus

credits

released August 18, 2023
Written by Barry Jones/Ronnie Clark, performed by Barry Jones, recorded by Martin Aylward for Slim Chance Productions, engineered and mastered by Ian Lewis. Photo by Lisa Don Francesco.

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about

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Southbound Attic Band Liverpool, UK

The Southbound Attic Band are Barry Jones and Ronnie Clark. Their Guitar and Bass combination create Celtic flavoured acoustic Americana with an English Folk rock sensibility and catchy melodic songs with a dark edge.

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